Are you Angry at God?

I get asked a lot of questions by well-meaning people who want to learn more about disability.  Most of the time I have no problem answering them because I would rather you know then not know.

I am often asked the following: Are you angry at God for your disability?  This question in my mind assumes that I have something to be angry about.  It further goes back to some people's perception that having a disability is more challenging when you compare it to not having a disability and as such I would be angry that I was given something that another person was not.  I suppose that I was given something that other people were not, but I don't see it as a negative.

For a long time the only images of disability I saw on TV or movies was of the angry person.  It makes a more engaging story.  Something that abled people can easily digest, the image of the angry guy/girl in wheelchair who is in some tragic accident.  They are so mad that their life was changed and they make some miraculous recovery or after finding the love of their life they come to change their attitude about their disability.  Like many stories this is just that a story, and may have happened to one person once, but is not close to the reality of life.

That is not to say I don't get angry ever.  I get very angry when people call me "speedy" or "wheels," but that is a post for another day.  I get angry when there is no accessible parking in the parking lot, or when I have to wait forever for an accessible stall and I really have to go.  I swore last week when I was trying to open the door to my apartment building and it was so heavy that it took me three tries to get through.  However, those situations have nothing to do with God.  They have to do with the world around me and the barriers that come with having a disability in the United States.  

Do I sometimes wish my situation was different? Of course!  Again nothing to do with God or my disability.  I wish people were more caring.  I wish people thought more about how their actions impacted others.  I wish people were more accepting. I also wish Luke Bryant was single and interested in dating me. 

My life verse is Daniel 7:9 :“As I looked, “thrones were set in place, and the Ancient of Days took his seat. His clothing was as white as snow; the hair of his head was white like wool. His throne was flaming with fire, and its wheels were all ablaze." (Bible Gateway)

 I read this to mean that God has a wheelchair and probably the coolest one ever made.  (How cool would it be to have a wheelchair that fire came out of?  No one would mess with you then.) Now before you start writing me angry comments, I know this is not what this verse was intended to say.  I would argue that God has a plan for everyone and has thought about all of the ways and content that he will use  to shape us.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us he knows us and how our life is going to go.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Bible Gateway)

So I have to believe that he put this verse and this inspiration in my path for me to come to a deeper meaning for myself and I don't believe that diminishes the true meaning of the verse but in fact enhances it  If God's plan is not to harm me but to give me hope for the future why would I be angry at a curve that he sent me?  I get to be truly unique and unforgettable in a way that no one else is.

I have to reason that God's plan to give me my disability was part of a plan.   That it has the greater purpose then the minor irritations the world presents to me.  Maybe my purpose is to be a voice for those who cannot speak or to educate those without a disability on what life is like with one.  Perhaps I will not know until I meet the Lord in person.  I may never know and that is alright with me because my life is happy and full.  I am not angry I am blessed.

Kids say the darnest things

So anyone who really knows me knows that I have a heart for children and animals.  I think because they are vulnerable and because their love is pure and honest.  I have always taken the stance that anyone who asks me an honest and fair question I will answer even if it comes from a child.  I feel that education is the only way to combat the ignorance that people seem to have in reference to those with disabilities. 

The other day I was getting out of the car and a young boy I know, who we will call David, approached me and asked without shame " Why do you use a wheelchair?" 

His father stepped in right away before I could respond and said "David we don't ask that. It's not polite."  He turned to me and says "I am sorry we are trying to teach him."

I responded "I'm not offended"
He says "He doesn't understand he doesn't mean to be rude."
I said again, "I am not offended.  He asked a valid question in a very respectful way and deserves an answer." I explained that my legs do not work as well as his so I need the wheelchair to help me get around.  David seemed satisfied with this answer and moved on to tell me about what he has been doing lately.

This issue has been a struggle for me because I am not offended by children's questions and I think it is better to answer their questions then to teach them that they should not ask them.  When you create knowledge and understanding when children encounter someone with a disability or someone who is different from them they are less likely to discriminate against these people.   However, I don't want to contradict or undermine a parent.  I have information that parent does not know, asking a question like David did is not rude.  It is the start of questioning, the start of understanding, the start of acceptance.  If you take that away from a child they will not grow and they will grow up to be an adult who does not know how to seek knowledge and to question the world around them.

 I wonder what would happen if we all took the time to understand those who are different from us?  To learn from them and grow in our understanding of each other.  Could we erase hate and bigotry?  Could we create a kinder world for kids like David?  Maybe the world would be a little safer too.  Who wouldn't want that?  Knowledge is the antidote I know of to hate.

Get Positive Live Positive By Melinda Carver

Recently on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites, my friends have been asking for good books to read.  Well, I just finished "Get Positive Live Positive" by Melinda Carver.  First, let me say I am not much for books like this.  I generally read historical texts, biographies, and real crime but something about this book pulled me in.  Maybe it was the bright yellow cover; it could have been the reviews on the back cover that raved about Melinda.


I had some time to sit down and read it last weekend and yes I read it in one day!  I had a tough time putting it down.  Melinda writes in a very easy to follow manner and with simple diagrams.  Her message is one of love and understanding that we all need to hear in a time when everyone is rushing out and trying to achieve with no idea how to do it.



Carver taps into a concept that psychology has told us are true for years.  Thinking positively affects brain chemistry and also your bodies reaction to stress.  This also plays a significant role  in your health (Fiske, 2014.)  I have tried several of the techniques outlined in the book for the past few days and have noticed a marked difference in my life and my attitude.  If nothing else this book brings to the forefront self-care and our need to take put ourselves first more often.

To give you a sample here is my list of positive traits I say to myself.

1. I am beautiful
2. I am kind
3. I am strong

Get Positive Live Positive is available on Melinda Carver's website, Amazon, Walmart, and Barns and Noble.
http://psychicmelinda.webs.com/



Fiske, S. T. (2014). Social beings: core motives in social psychology. Hoboken: Wiley. 

10 Reasons Why being a wheeler is awesome

I know anyone with a disability can relate to this, you are speaking to someone or just going about your regular life, and an abled person says "You are so brave."  This sentence has always bothered me because I am not brave.  Soldiers are brave; they fight with bullets swirling around them.  Firefighters are brave because they run into burning buildings.  So when someone says I am brave, it leads me to believe that they think my life is awful or somehow less than.  This is entirely untrue, and in the spirit of David Letterman I have come up with a top 10 list of reasons why.


1.  Preferred parking


I can also park near the building when it is raining or bitter cold outside.  That is when people who don't need the spaces don't take them.


2. Always having a seat


Think about all the times when you stand in the back of church because there were no seats or waiting for the rides at Cedar Point.  I never have that problem because I have a comfortable chair with me at all the time.   Plus I don't have to sit on nasty bus seats.


3. I have my own roller coaster


Whenever I come to a big down hill, I can just let my hands off the wheels and zoom down.  It's like a coaster all to myself.



4. My shoes don't get dirty


My feet are always off the ground, so my shoes stay cleaner and dryer.  How awful is it when you step in a puddle and get your shoes and socks wet.  Ick!


5.  Being at eye level with dogs and kids


I am at eye level with children and dogs which makes them like me more because I am less intimidating, 


6.   I always have someone to carry my bags in the airport


They have wonderful people at the airport to carry your luggage if you have a disability.  It is so nice not to have to worry about lugging your bags everywhere.


7. I can do wheelchair tricks


I can pop wheelies and hop curbs like a skateboard champion.   The US skateboarding champs have nothing on me.


8.  I can drive a car without shoes on


 In most states, shoeless driving is a big no no.  You know they like it when your feet don't slip off the peddles, but when you drive with your hands and not your feet, it's not really an issue.  Honestly, I could never wear shoes at all in the in the summer and be just fine.  Not that I would do that because I think it's gross.



9.  Shaving my legs is so much easier



It is so much easier to shave your legs sitting down then standing up.  A shower chair is just as important as shaving cream.  You should try it. 



10. I get to see the best and the worst in people every day



I have written many times in this blog about weird or crazy things that people say or do around me.  That does get annoying, but they also hold doors open for me, push me through the snow, and help me get my wheelchair into the car. 



See my life rocks you just never knew!   

Let the children come to me

Luke 18:15-17

 "One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him. Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the, Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

I have always loved this passage because I love kids, but also because  I love the innocence of children.  How they just blanketing accept things and the love they show to everyone regardless of skin color or what you wear.   Mostly, I love children because they ask the questions adults want to, but don't because society has told them that it is not appropriate. 
Yesterday I was a wake for a family member and to be honest I hate funeral homes.  They are sad and dark, and smell funny.  .  However, God blessed me with the company of a 4 year old who was completely fascinated by my wheelchair. 

She started the conversation with me by leaning directly into my face and saying "get out of that chair."
 I said "I can't." 
The little girl said "get up."
I said "I can't my legs don't work as well as yours."  She tilled her head at me a little and smiled as if that made perfect sense.  Then she says " Are you a mother or a sister?"  At this point I am positive that her father wanted to crawl in a whole and die. 

Now as this was happening her dad was sitting close by tell her to stop asking me questions and to stop being rude.  I turned to him and said I'm ok don't worry it's ok.  Please understand I get that this little girl's father was trying to protect my feelings and that is really nice, but I don't need him to do that because that little girl was just trying to understand something new.  I wanted to answer her questions so maybe one day when her classmate uses a wheelchair or her co-worker or even a boy/girl she likes has one she might think it's cool.

She spent the entire time pushing my wheelchair back and fore through the entire wake and I have to tell you it was the best wake I have ever attended.  My point is that just like Jesus said we should all approach life like a child.  Ask the question, seek to understand what you don't know, and love as if everyone is your equal.  Take a lesson from a little girl who just wanted to check out the interesting lady in the wheelchair.

Learning to be a big girl

This blog is difficult for me to write because I have to admit something very personal to you.  I am scared basically all the time.  I put on a good face of being strong and able but the truth is it is completely fake.  So recently my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up and I am faced with living on my own, which I have never done before.  I have lived with my parents, and lived with my roommate but never completely by myself.  I have learned a lot about myself in recent time.  First, I am completely capable for doing most things on my own.  Second, it is OK to ask for help when I need it from others, and third there are a million and one ways to get just about anything done.

I was worried that I would not be able to pick up dog poop on my own and dispose it.  We only have one poop station at our apartment building and it is up on curb so I cannot reach it.  Thanks to Amazon.com I found the perfect solution, flushable poop bags.  

https://www.amazon.com/Flush-Puppies-Flushable-Certified-Compostable/dp/B004K4ZV1K/ref=sr_1_2?s=pet-supplies&ie=UTF8&qid=1471712560&sr=1-2&keywords=flushable+poop+bags

I have used these for a week now and they are priced comparable to other bags, are just as durable, and do not clog the toilet.  They tear easy off the roll but they do not have scented bags and i wish the did.  
  Further I have learned that my apartment building has fabulous maintenance men who just about run when I call them.  Normally I would be so nervous about letting strange men into my apartment and I still am but I pray before they come in and I make sure that the dogs are on guard

The other day, Cody darned out the door other day and I freaked out.  I started to chase him around the complex and I was stared.  I prayed to God to make him come back.  When literally almost immediately two people came to help me and we were able to get Cody back in the house.  I am so blessed to have good neighbors and God to count on.

It got me thinking that I need to count on God to protect me and help me when I need it.  Also it I am capable and that people are flawed, so I have to count on God more than I do I people.  This is a harder life, I believe God will not fail me.

My Chair is not furniture

What is a wheelchair????
Webster's Dictionary defines a wheelchair this way "a chair mounted on wheels especially for the use of disabled persons"

 I would define my wheelchair as my legs.  It is an extension of my person and not just a piece of equipment. 
The other day I was in the office and I was working at my desk.  There were a group of men putting together tables.  Now I had previously told my manager that I didn't want a table next to my desk because I put my wheelchair where the table would go.  I like to transfer from my wheelchair to my desk chair and then I leave my wheelchair next to me.  However, I don't think the workers got the message that I was not requesting a table in my cube.  One of the workers began to roll my wheelchair away to place a table in my cube,  I screamed don't touch that and I said I don't want a table.  He sort of coward a little and said I was told to put this here.  I said I don't care where you put it but it's going here.

Now, you may have read that exchange and thought "why where you so mean to that poor guy".  He was just doing is job right?  Yes, that is true but this is the problem with what he did.  My wheelchair is not a piece of furniture to be moved around like a desk chair.  It is not a file cabinet to be moved at a whim.  My wheelchair is my lifeline.  My ability to move and be independent.  What happens if there is an emergency?  

You might still think I over-reacted, but let me enlighten you about something.  I was scared to death!  My legs were being stolen from me without my consent.  I reacted out of instinct.  I felt like I was being trapped.  Of course that was not the man's intention but that is how I felt I had to do something fast in my mind.

This is just one example, sometimes when I am in a store pushing through, just doing my shopping, and a helpful stranger will come up to me and start pushing my chair.  They are trying to help and the mean well but if you saw someone walking down the street would go up to them and grab their hand and pull them down the street of course not.  That would be weird and inappropriate but doing that to someone in a wheelchair is exactly the same.   

Think of my wheelchair as an extension of my body.  You would not touch me without permission and my chair should be treated that way.  It is always OK to ask if I need help but it is not OK to force your help on me.   Keep in mind that just like you I don't want to be put in a situation where I feel unsafe.