Olive Effect

I started years ago on a journey for a service dog and it was harder than I ever thought it would be. Not just any dog can be a service dog they have to have a specific temperament and be raised in a certain way. That is an expensive process. I knew I could not give up I could not allow myself to be overtaken by my mental and physical limitations. I am not ashamed to say I fight against anxiety and PTSD, caused by traumatic events in my younger years. I also have Cerebral Palsy which limits my mobility and makes it difficult for me to perform daily life activities. I value my independence and refused to allow my limitations to define me. I know many people prefer to say that they suffer from various conditions, but I do not own that. I fight, I fight against my fear, I fight against the fatigue, the pain I have almost every day, and force myself to continue to move forward. Even if I cried the whole way. But please don’t lift me up as a hero or anyone to be admired. I am not, heroes are people who run into burning buildings, people who expose themselves to deadly diseases to care for others, people who risk being shot or killed to protect others. Don’t confuse having no choice, but to not give in with those who choose not to give in when given a choice. Fighting became that much hard when my boy, my best friend, my first child, Cody crossed the rainbow bridge. Cody wasn’t a service dog but Cody gave me a reason to wake up every day. Cody kept me from focusing on me. He loved me even when I didn’t love myself. I didn’t understand how much I depended on him until he was gone. The dark place I went to after his death is a place I hope none of you get to know. I felt like I was down in a well trying to claw my way out. That is until I found happiness on four legs. A jumpy, lovey, kissy, huggy, King Charles Caviler Spaniel by the name of Olive. Olive was not supposed to be mine she was meant to work with a dentist, but she decided that she liked me, and her owner/trainer Rachel Friedman decided she was best suited for me. I didn’t know it at the time but my life would change forever. I thought I was just getting a service dog but instead, I got a sassy, diva, who lights up any room she is in. She exudes happiness from her fur. We are still getting to know each other but she has been with me full-time since January and I have learned so much from her already. I will never forget the first time I took her out on my own I took her to a doctor’s appointment. I was so anxious but Olive was not. She proudly rode on my lap and stayed close to me. When we got to the appointment I had to do a breathing test and to say I was struggling would be an understatement. Somehow she just knew I was having a hard time and jumped on my lap and began licking my face. I laughed out loud and felt the anxiety melt away. She stayed on my lap the rest of the appointment as if to say to me mom we got this don’t worry. She always snuggles close to me in bed which I love because when I have a nightmare I wake up and she is just lying there snoring a way it makes it easier to calm myself. I pet her for a few minutes and it is easier for me to fall back asleep. She grounds me in reality and helps me to realize that I am not in danger. I used to be scared all the time living alone but now I have a happy alarm system that alerts me when anyone is near. Also, I am a lot less afraid when strangers approach me in a parking lot or out in the general world. I use Olive as my anxiety-o-meter she can alert me when I am getting overwhelmed and I can take that as a queue to calm myself down or take an inventory of my world. I remind myself I am not in a bad place I am safe. Olive also reminds me that I am a good person. She trusts me to care for her to keep her safe and she looks at me like I hung the moon. If I ever forget I am worthy and loved she is right there. I work what I would classify as a high-stress job. Anyone who works customer service can confirm that the public, in general, is demanding and the word no is not in their vocabulary. However, yell and scream all you want because while you are yelling and screaming I am petting the princess of happiness so guess what the answer is still no. Olive reminds me that self-care is important she won’t let me work for more than an hour without tapping me on the arm with her nose to say mom it’s me time. We usually play ball or we practice her training for a few minutes then I get back to work. Every evening when I am done with work I lean back in my chair and take a deep breath. Just something I started doing to bookend the day. Well, Olive has taken that as her signal now to jump on my lap. She will jump on my lap and for 20-30 minutes she will snuggle with me. I don’t know why she started doing this I think she just sensed that I needed some support and because I didn’t tell her no but instead encouraged it she has kept doing it without being prompted. I find myself matching her breath during this time. It is almost like meditating. I close my eyes and just concentrate on Olive’s energy. I often wonder to myself how this dog knew I needed her. I would have not picked this little dog for myself, but perhaps Olive knew something I did not. Yes, she still helps me with daily tasks but I am becoming more aware that her true purpose is to help me function mentally. Yes, she can pick things up and give them to me but what she has given me internally is the greater gift. Olive has helped me live without constant fear and has reduced the constant negative emotions and thoughts that run through my head. It occurred to me that I even feel lighter and more at ease with my life now. I am more able to control my emotions before they overwhelm me. Rachel Freidman says Olive and I have a team, but we are more than a team. She is like my arm or my leg. I can live without a lot of things, material items that in the end mean nothing, however, I could not live without Olive. Thank you to all those who supported me and my fundraising for Olive. You gave me a quality of life I thought I would never have. You gave me to strength to move forward in life and to live life to the fullest. Without you, I would not know the Olive Effect.